Fishing is good for the soul, part 4.5
A certain book is taking over the modern teenage girl's mind. It is spreading to the middle-aged man and may even someday control the world. I, however, think this book is a peice of garbage and therefore nothing to get excited about. In this entry, I shall tell you why.
I can't tell you the book's name for fear of being sued. However, the plot is something like this: A seventeen year old girl who we shall call Kaitie (NOTE: This name is not chosen at random. It is meant to annoy someone.) moves in with her dad and falls in love with a handsome boy who we shall call Luke (name chosen for the same reason). Luke turns out to be a vampire, and he also happens to SPARKLE in the sun, which is extremely lame. And that's only the tip of the iceberg...
The relationship between Kaitie and Luke is highly superficial and shallow. Kaitie's only real reason for liking Luke is that he's "hot". Luke's reason is even worse, if possible: He's drawn to Kaitie because of the way she smells. More specifically, the way her blood smells, and how much he wants to drink it until she's dead. Yet he also wants to kiss her. Not much hope for a real bond now, is there?
Apparently there is, because they know each other for all of two weeks. By the end of the book, Kaitie is begging Luke to change her into a vampire "so we can spend eternity together". As I read this, even back when I liked it for some stupid reason, I thought this was cheesy. Kaitie had said before in the story that she'd never met anyone else she liked, meaning this is her first crush. Of course she thinks she's madly in love with him, but does she really want to spend all of eternity with someone she's known for fourteen days? I don't think so.
Luke is also VERY obsessive. He follows Kaitie's every move, wants her to spend time only with him, even watches her when she sleeps! Creepy much? If he was real, people would agree. However, so much of the book is taken up with Kaitie describing how "perfect", "beautiful", and "glorious" he is that instead I've heard people go on for hours about how they wish he was real and would be their boyfriend. Just because he sparkles. Pathetic.
I could go on for days about Luke. I believe him to be one of the worst fictional characters of all time, ranking up with Jack Sparrow and Steve Leopard. He has no personality whatsoever, and no defining traits other than being a sparkly vampire and overposessive of Kaitie (who, again, he has known for two weeks). The fact that Kaitie idolizes him so much only makes him more sickening in my eyes, and that is doubled by everyone else's twisted fantasies.
All in all, the book's depiction of vampires is among the lamest I have come across. Not only do they sparkle in the sun instead of burning, but they are similarly invulnerable in every other way. Luke says nothing can kill him except for being torn apart into tiny pieces and burnt. This would be hard to do, since he and his "family" (a group of other vampires who he travels with) are faster than light and can lift a full-sized van in one hand. They have no fangs, but are still somehow able to bite their victims and draw blood. They are also collectively described by Kaitie as "inhumanly beautiful". Luke's adopted sister, who I will call Leia, says that this is a way of drawing humans to them, but their fellow high school students aren't drawn to them. On the contrary, they seem to be repulsed by Luke, Leia, and their siblings, who keep to themselves until Kaitie appears.
The book is littered with amazingly dim-witted quotes, a few of which being: "I found myself reveling in the loneliness instead of being lonely", "I was gripped in a sudden agony of despair as I even considered that alternative" (the "alternative" being not having a completely Luke-centered life), and "I was afraid he would disappear in a puff of smoke and I would wake up". All are from Kaitie's first-person view.
The book is approximately 490 pages long. The first 200 or so pages center around the mystery of Luke. What is this person of angelic beauty who is cast out by his schoolmates and seems to have inhuman strength? There's a catch here, though: The back cover tells the reader that Luke is a vampire. Not much of a mystery there.
On page 375, an evil vampire appears, bent on revenging himself on Luke's family and drinking Kaitie's blood. Up until then, there seems to be no plot other than the romance between Kaitie and Luke.
In closing, I will now post the all-time lamest part of the book. After Luke has saved Kaitie from the sadistic vampire (although we don't get to witness the battle as Kaitie was unconcious the whole time), she is in a hospital bed recovering from the incident and Luke is visiting her. She;s plugged in to a heart monitor that beeps with her every heartbeat. He kisses her - and her heart stops. Literally. Shouldn't she be dead?
Stay tuned for the sequel - 'cause that's even worse!
I can't tell you the book's name for fear of being sued. However, the plot is something like this: A seventeen year old girl who we shall call Kaitie (NOTE: This name is not chosen at random. It is meant to annoy someone.) moves in with her dad and falls in love with a handsome boy who we shall call Luke (name chosen for the same reason). Luke turns out to be a vampire, and he also happens to SPARKLE in the sun, which is extremely lame. And that's only the tip of the iceberg...
The relationship between Kaitie and Luke is highly superficial and shallow. Kaitie's only real reason for liking Luke is that he's "hot". Luke's reason is even worse, if possible: He's drawn to Kaitie because of the way she smells. More specifically, the way her blood smells, and how much he wants to drink it until she's dead. Yet he also wants to kiss her. Not much hope for a real bond now, is there?
Apparently there is, because they know each other for all of two weeks. By the end of the book, Kaitie is begging Luke to change her into a vampire "so we can spend eternity together". As I read this, even back when I liked it for some stupid reason, I thought this was cheesy. Kaitie had said before in the story that she'd never met anyone else she liked, meaning this is her first crush. Of course she thinks she's madly in love with him, but does she really want to spend all of eternity with someone she's known for fourteen days? I don't think so.
Luke is also VERY obsessive. He follows Kaitie's every move, wants her to spend time only with him, even watches her when she sleeps! Creepy much? If he was real, people would agree. However, so much of the book is taken up with Kaitie describing how "perfect", "beautiful", and "glorious" he is that instead I've heard people go on for hours about how they wish he was real and would be their boyfriend. Just because he sparkles. Pathetic.
I could go on for days about Luke. I believe him to be one of the worst fictional characters of all time, ranking up with Jack Sparrow and Steve Leopard. He has no personality whatsoever, and no defining traits other than being a sparkly vampire and overposessive of Kaitie (who, again, he has known for two weeks). The fact that Kaitie idolizes him so much only makes him more sickening in my eyes, and that is doubled by everyone else's twisted fantasies.
All in all, the book's depiction of vampires is among the lamest I have come across. Not only do they sparkle in the sun instead of burning, but they are similarly invulnerable in every other way. Luke says nothing can kill him except for being torn apart into tiny pieces and burnt. This would be hard to do, since he and his "family" (a group of other vampires who he travels with) are faster than light and can lift a full-sized van in one hand. They have no fangs, but are still somehow able to bite their victims and draw blood. They are also collectively described by Kaitie as "inhumanly beautiful". Luke's adopted sister, who I will call Leia, says that this is a way of drawing humans to them, but their fellow high school students aren't drawn to them. On the contrary, they seem to be repulsed by Luke, Leia, and their siblings, who keep to themselves until Kaitie appears.
The book is littered with amazingly dim-witted quotes, a few of which being: "I found myself reveling in the loneliness instead of being lonely", "I was gripped in a sudden agony of despair as I even considered that alternative" (the "alternative" being not having a completely Luke-centered life), and "I was afraid he would disappear in a puff of smoke and I would wake up". All are from Kaitie's first-person view.
The book is approximately 490 pages long. The first 200 or so pages center around the mystery of Luke. What is this person of angelic beauty who is cast out by his schoolmates and seems to have inhuman strength? There's a catch here, though: The back cover tells the reader that Luke is a vampire. Not much of a mystery there.
On page 375, an evil vampire appears, bent on revenging himself on Luke's family and drinking Kaitie's blood. Up until then, there seems to be no plot other than the romance between Kaitie and Luke.
In closing, I will now post the all-time lamest part of the book. After Luke has saved Kaitie from the sadistic vampire (although we don't get to witness the battle as Kaitie was unconcious the whole time), she is in a hospital bed recovering from the incident and Luke is visiting her. She;s plugged in to a heart monitor that beeps with her every heartbeat. He kisses her - and her heart stops. Literally. Shouldn't she be dead?
Stay tuned for the sequel - 'cause that's even worse!
posted by DLS5 at
8/18/2008
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